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I was nothing. I had never been anything, and I never would be anything.I knew these thoughts were unworthy. That I was being unfair. That they weren’t true.But that didn’t stop them from coming.And it didn’t stop me from crying. At night, when nobody was there to see me, to hold me, to kiss me, to cuddle me. To care for me…Someone once said that hell is other people. In my case, hell was missing that one other person.~~~~~I managed to put on a good enough front for long enough that Marie went back to Berlin – after securing the services of a top-flight nanny to do most of the heavy lifting in looking after Eric. She lived in, and did most of the feeding, changing, cuddling, and caring for my baby.I tried to help. I did. But…Then Hans called to say the will was going to be read to the family, and he wanted me to come to Berlin for it. Bring Eric.Of course bring Eric.So, I arranged for the nanny to come with us to Berlin. She could hold Eric while everyone cooed over him. I’d smile,. And if that didn’t work, they’d try to put her to work as the only cop in Greenwood. But the letter was very specific, and so was her contract, so she has some rights. ‘Jack, you know me. She’s a sweet girl from a good family, and sharp as a cactus thorn. She’ll make a great deputy for us if she can take what she learned at the university and the academy and combine that with some worthwhile experience. So I got my back up and took her and her contract to meet the county attorney. He grabbed a young guy named Chet who’s a paralegal, doing spadework for prosecutors and other odd jobs to pay his way through law school, and told him to get her out of Pike County with all the pay that she’s got coming, period. And he said that if he couldn’t do it, bring the contract back to him and he’d do it himself, but Chet would be out on the street. ‘So the last I heard, young Chet was roaring like a lion, and Pike County had till the end of the month, that’s next Tuesday, to pay up or she’ll sue.
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